Cognitive Dissonance: Love and Damnation, Fellowship and Isolation
All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts
Acts 2:44-46 (NRSVue)
in a fiery flame, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. These will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, separated from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might
2 Thessalonians 1:8-9 (NRSVue)
Community — or, to borrow the Christian parlance, fellowship — is undeniably essential for the strengthening and maintained security of the queer community. (continue regarding history of queer groups on and off campus)
With this in mind, it should not be surprising that many queer people longing for this type of community find the messaging of the Christian faith appealing. It advertises its message of love and grace as being for all people. These Christian groups can be very tight-knit and members are welcome to share their emotional, complicated testimonies with one another. Tears and laughter can be shared along with warm embraces. The appeal may also arise from collective experience, an opportunity for communal transformation where participants build something greater than the sum of their parts. This transformative effect could arise in conversation, deeply intimate times of prayer, or singing in harmony. These attributes are attractive to many who may feel downcast and alone, particularly those of minoritized experiences like the queer community.
Leah Walsacz ‘16, as an incoming first-year, was not publicly out as trans and longing for community. She joined “a ton of clubs”, one of which was the Lafayette DiscipleMakers Christian Fellowship, or the LDCF. While not the only Christian group on campus – the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and the Catholic Newman Association remain active – the LDCF is by far the most prominent and have been active since 2011 (maybe earlier). The group is not student run but instead the college’s branch of the larger, 501(c)(3) tax-exempt, DiscipleMakers Campus Ministry organisation which oversees ministries on twenty-five campuses in Pennsylvania. The LDCF advertises itself as being open to all students, especially those with doubts or questions regarding Chrisitianity. Their website’s About Us page states, “We welcome the questions, objections, and struggles of people honestly searching for the truth. We are committed to responding with honesty and compassion rather than hostility and condescension. Skeptics, seekers, and the curious are all welcome.” (https://lafayette.dm.org/about-us)
Walsacz joined the group to join some friends who were already members and ended up becoming “very involved” (30:34) with the LDCF. At the end of her first year, Walsacz attended the LDCF’s spring retreat in the Poconos for a full week of Bible study and worship. Here, she was startled at how quickly the group’s welcoming facade would drop when diving into theological matters.
And there was a workshop there about sexual sin, where, basically the pastor started talking about the morality of gayness in not so bright of a light. And after that -- that just pissed me off so much, at the time, even though I didn’t identify like that, that I kind of stopped getting involved with that stuff. I don’t know if being involved with that did any damage to -- I mean, it [00:32:00] definitely did damage to my self-esteem when it came to stuff like that… And I think that did affect me a little bit, being so deeply involved with that stuff. I would say that was maybe the biggest experience with those different institutions and forces that ended up affecting me, on campus.
Seeking community as a queer person & the oftentimes welcoming facade of Christian fellowship. What can one comfortably share with those she once considered spiritual family?
While the DicipleMakers does not align itself with a particular denomination of protestant Christianity or claim to be Evangelical, the organization holds Evangelical roots as its mission statement begins, “We believe Christ has: called us to make disciples of all nations” and has “strategically prepared college students to respond to that call”. The primary purpose of the group is to create new believers.
“Big church person” confusion - Phil James
On the LDCF website’s Resources tab, the group provides a list of seven local churches. Upon investigating each of these churches’ statements of faith and doctrinal commitments, I found all seven churches to prioritize the spreading of the news of Jesus to all, believe in the inerrancy of the Bible – that scripture is the literal word of God without error and is a typical rebuttal against homosexual activists– and believe in eternal conscious torment for non-believers after death. These are standard Evangelical Chrisitian beliefs but do not represent Christianity in its totality, nor are they indicative of the beliefs of the many other churches in the Easton area – but an incoming first-year student may be unaware of these facts; I certainly was.
Stacey-Ann Pearson ‘15 was raised a strict Seventh Day Adventist and, despite holding some personal doubts and concerns with the faith, decided to join the LDCF
Operating on Terror
Effects of the cognitive dissonance of Christian love and belief in eternal torment on everyday student life, isolation
SAP: I was also in the Lafayette, whatever they call it now -- LC -- Lafayette Christian Fellowship, LCF. And I didn’t even put it on it; I forget about that. I was there in that group for two years. And I was surrounded by it every single day.
MA: Talk about Dissonance
SAP: I was just about to say -- it is so jarring to hear the message of love -- and then to hear the message of -- you’re going to hell.
SAP- I used to have those dreams… about waking up, burning in hell. How do you care for people on one hand, and then explicitly tell them that they’re going to burn in hell?
MA: That’s a deep psychological terrorism -- that feels like terror -- you sense it’s operating on terror and fear.”
Even if the casual homophobia espoused on campus was not spired by religious fervor, it reaffirmed the doctrines instilled in Pearson as a young child.
SAP- A lot of language. Those gays. I don’t want to change around them. I’m sitting there looking like, ah-hah, really? (laughter) No, but I’m sitting there -- I can’t -- because I’m still in that space where I’m hiding, so I’m internalizing every single word that is coming out of their mouths. So I wasn’t even a space to say get over yourself.